So... Yea, it’s been a while.  A lot has happened since the last time I was on here.  My dream job from December ended in January, the store closed after the Christmas season so my dream of being hired on after my seasonal stint was dashed.  I have been unemployed since, though not until recently, in a bad way.  I got to play housewife while Matt brought in good money, made even easier by Spaz having a decent job and being an amazingly good roommate.  I took an overloaded semester and pulled in good grades too boot.  Of course such things are too good to last and Spaz was fired for a really shitty reason, rapidly followed by Matt who, through no fault of his own, lost his job the same week we brought home my new car. 

A side note, the car is amazing and I have no complaints about it other than the constant wisecracking about the color from family and friends.  In their defense it is a rather eye burning shade of yellow.  It’s a 2008 Chevy Aveo hatchback and I like it far more than I ever thought to like a vehicle that is not a truck.  

Steve and Barry’s never sent me my W2 and I was forced to obtain it from the state of Wisconsin in the mail via a lengthy wait, pages of paperwork, and a $5 fee.  Teach me to lose my last paystub.  So out taxes were late and despite that I was given every assurance that the extension had been filed it was not, and so our taxes were late.  This forced me to reevaluate my school options for the fall semester, and likely the spring as well.  I was denied financial aid of any type, and just barely managed to scrape enough out of my loan for classes and most of my books (I'm sharing my Speech book with Spaz, we have the same class but at different times).  My plan had been to try to transfer to UWM this semester but with no aid that is just not possible, I'm hoping to get in to see a Financial Aid counselor soon to figure out if there is anything I can do to fix it for spring.  Fingers Crossed.

On the upside, Spaz just got a new job.  It’s terribly located, being near the highway while we are nearer the lake, and his license is still suspended so I am the one who has to play taxi.  On the upside, I get to drive my new car; on the downside my new car is not legal to drive.  Matt apparently had some parking tickets he didn't know about so until we come up with $120 to give them out of our collectively unemployed ass they are withholding my Registration and Plates.  I know it’s childish and ungrateful of me but I wish they would just suspend his license or something.  I have a completely clean driving record; I have never had so much as a speeding ticket, why penalize me?

I know I know, we are married, remind me never to do THAT again.

Matt had a good interview today, I am cautiously hopeful.  It would be just as good in pay as the job he lost and is right next door to the Atrium Building, which is very near where he worked before.  

I haven't gotten as much as a callback.  Got to love being an inexperienced high school dropout with a shiny new GED and no practical skills.  McDonalds won't even hire me, I know, I applied.   

On the relationship side things are in an awkward upswing.  We aren’t fighting, we get along great, and the sex is as fantastic as ever.  There is just this looming separation that we NEVER talk about.  I feel like he doesn’t quite understand how long we are going to be living apart and what that might mean.  It’s like if we just don't talk about it, there won't be a problem.  It feels like hiding covers and saying "If I can't see the monster that means it can’t see me, if it can’t see me it won’t eat me"            

We are financially doing ok for the moment, unemployment is keeping our heads above water just barely.  School has started and it’s nice to have something to focus on, to have somewhere to be outside of the apartment.  I'm aiming for perfect grades this semester, I didn't do too badly last semester and since I have a lighter load this time, I think I can do it. 

My classes are interesting and I like all me teachers more or less.  Developmental Psychology is a little draggy cause the teacher is old and repeats herself a lot but she knows her stuff and doesn't tolerate bullshit which I like.  Abnormal Psych is fascinating and my teacher is almost stereotypically professor ish and actually has one of his degrees in philosophy so he is interesting to talk to.  Speech is speech, I'll hate every second of it but I'll do a fantastic job.  Knowing that in my head doesn’t make it any easier.  Critical thinking is either going to be my favorite class of the semester or I’m going to hate it in a few weeks, I don’t know which yet.  The teacher is "fascinated with" my "thought process".  I didn't think there was anything weird about the way I think before but she’s got me analyzing everything I think now.  That is her job I guess, it’s still annoying (though I now know that thinking about thinking is called Meta-Cognition, so I can’t say she never taught me anything).  The primary point of the class so far seems to be her giving us problems or asking us questions that we don’t have enough information to easily logic our way through, to force us to make assumptions and question them until we get good at thinking up and asking the kinds of questions that will clarify the problem.  It’s kind of weirdly fun.

Example:
In the line of letters below, cross out six letters so that the remaining letters spell a familiar English word.  Do not change the order of the letters.

BSAINXLEATNTEARS

that one is on the back of the book, most of them are more in depth, that one just has an easy answer.

So, all in all a mixed bag at the moment, things will get better though, they always do.

Mira

I had thought I would say something about the new placebo CD Battle for the Sun. I just got it and I thought I would pimp it on my journal, maybe do a mini review and have some fun with it. So I put my headphones on and I listened to it while I was getting ready to sleep. Then I got up and listened to it again, and again, and again, and I cried. 

I have never been a music person, don’t get me wrong I like music fine, just not over much. I never really got it, if that makes any sense. At the most basic level we like music that we can identify with and I have never really completely fit anywhere. I get it now.

Music fulfills a need, not so much for sympathy, but for recognition, that someone else has been there, that you are not alone. The best music is like a sucker punch. It’s the perfect love song after a breakup, the mournful lyrics after the loss of a loved one. You listen unsuspecting and it hits you like a brick wall and you cry all over again because it is exactly where you are. It’s a story whispered on the razors edge of pain and pride that finally gets through the numbness and disbelief, the towering piles of well meant sympathy that mean nothing, and leaves the pain bare to the light. 

I’m not in a bad place, just an uncomfortable one. I never knew how much I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one who has gone through this, that my pain is real. That I am not alone. 

So I can’t review this CD. I can’t tell you a damn thing about the music. I can’t even say anything about the new drummer. I don’t know if it’s any good or not, I still can’t tell. 

Do I like it? Yea, you could say that.